life as we know it

   Spending my first significant amount of time back home after my first semester away at college, i am noticing a lot more about how small of a town i came from. thomaston, a town of about 8,000 people, all living within a 13 by 8 mile radius of each other, it goes without saying that everyone knows everyone. the best part about a small town is that everyone knows everyone, so if you're ever stuck it isn't hard to find some help. the worst part about a small town is that everybody knows everyone.. and everybody's skeletons. the same kids i graduated with last spring are the same kids i grew up with; went to kindergarden with, played on the black top with, told my first secrets to, had my first beer with. the environment we grow up in has such a huge impact on the person you become. we learned that you can be someones best friend within the minute, but turn right around once you've gotten the information you were looking for and continue to snub them again. when you're in a relationship, nothing ever stays between the two of you. the fights you have become public via twitter, people will always have an opinion on what's going on, and the secrets you told will later be spilled after a devious breakup. small town, large entertainment.

   being such a small town, people only tend to grow as far as their surroundings will let them.. meaning that sometimes people will choose to not do things because they would no longer being accepted by their small, comfortable circle of friends. sometimes people will opt out of good opportunities or surpass on chances of a life time with a fear of unacceptance, but sometimes people will take advantage of the opportunities, without a fear of losing their friends, for they realize that the friends that have will like them for who they are, otherwise they aren't worth the time. one should never have to be afraid to do something, never be afraid to try something new because you're friends might not have the same ambitious goals as you do. you should never have to fear being someone you want to be because you're afraid of other peoples opinions. your true self should never be a doubt in your mind.

   when we went to college, some of us grew up while others didn't, remaining in the high school mindset they've had for the past four years. those who didn't choose schools far from their parents watchful eyes and sheltered roofs, did not change in the way that others did. some of us who moved out of state and didn't have the option of coming home on weekends so easily, learned to be independent and how to make our own life choices, become our own adults, our own people.

  after many devoted hours to the high school world, student council president national honor society interact club blah blah blah, i was eager to please others. almost too eager. i wanted everyones approval of what i was doing at all times; i wanted to be accepted by everyone, and disliked by no one. i avoided confrontations and would rather just be spoken down to if it meant the argument would go away tomorrow. i couldn't stand up for myself. i didn't want to breakup with boyfriends because of a fear of losing all the friends that came with them, i was scared to do something i knew was best for myself because i didn't want people to disapprove. i can finally say that after going away to college and living on my own, leaving behind the small world that is thomaston and becoming just another face in a 14,000 population world, i know who i want to be. i can't be afraid of living my own life with a fear of people disliking me, who live in a world five hours away from me. i'm not saying that i'm not going to make enemies in my life, i'm saying that it's okay to have people dislike you, as long as you're being honest with yourself. i'm not saying that all my fears of acceptance are gone, but i've learned to become my own person; some altered, grown, matured version of my high school self. as the saying goes, those who mind won't matter and those who matter won't mind.